How to tackle issues of disrespect with your teenage daughter and still keep a healthy relationship.

Tackling issues of disrespect with your teenage daughter, maybe one of the toughest things you will have to deal with as a mother.

I must say, for sometime it has been a challenge for me to handle disrespect from my own teenage daughter, I tried all sorts of poor strategies, “shouting, punishment you name them but they all left me frustrated, I later decided on a more constructive approach which helped me and not only that but it also strengthen the relationship with my daughter as I got to understand her emotional space.

The following is what I used for my teenage daughter.

DISRESPECT QUESTIONER: 

Disrespect is an inclusive word for, attitude, shouting..etc and a parent is anyone who has given birth to you or your guardian and in this case parent refers to your MOTHER. 

Please answer the following 10 questions about disrespect. 

  1. What makes it okay for you to disrespect your parent?
  1. At what point did you give yourself permission to disrespect your parent?
  1. What do you say to yourself when you disrespect your parent?
  1. What do you hope to achieve/gain by disrespecting your parent?
  1. Where did you learn to disrespect your parent?
  1. What kind of a future do you imagine for yourself by continuing to disrespect your parent?
  1. Is this behaviour pleasing to you?

Yes/No

  • 7.1 If yes, what fulfilment are you getting from disrespecting your parent?
  • 7.2 If no, what makes you to continue and disrespect?
  1. Do you respect or disrespect yourself?
  1. Do you plan to continue in the future with this behaviour?
  • 9.1 If yes, how are you hoping is going to affect your future?
  • 9.1 If no, what kind of things are you planning to do in order to change?
  1. Has disrespecting your parent got you what you want?

 Thank you for giving a perspective to your world!

Lesson Study

Bible Verses about

Disrespectful Children:

Colossians 3:20 

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 

Proverbs 30:17 

The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures. 

Matthew 15:4 

For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ 

Proverbs 20:20 

If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness. 

1 John 4:4 

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 

Mommy’s commitment:

 I promise to love you still…

I promise to take your feelings into consideration!

I promise to respect you as you respect me and will walk away or drop the phone each time you start being disrespectful to me as your mother.

                       ~ END ~

Conclusion:

I believe this is a great resource, it is both simple and effective, as a parent you can always use your own questions they don’t have to be the same questions used here and being a Christian mother I always want to use the bible as a source of reference and hence I included some verses on disrespect. The point is disrespect is not acceptable, children need to know that such won’t be tolerated and that every behavior has its  consequences. 

It will be helpful to provide a note pad where your daughter can answer the questions and that you go through the answers together when she is done for more understanding, clarity. 

At the end you need to put a date and both sign to indicate that you had this discussion, make it clear that should such behavior come back in the future, this will be used as a point of reference and most importantly reassure your teenage daughter of your love and commitment. File everything for future reference and keep monitoring the behavior.

She-is-Me program:

On the next She-is-Me program, the 3rd of October 2015 we will be addressing issues of  disrespect, as well as a parent/child relationship. 

A special visit:

We will be visiting an orphanage and if your daughter is coming through please do ask her to pack an item or two that she can give away to other girls who are not as privileged

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